billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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