Whatcha textin bout Willis?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
