I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
