pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
People in love make me want to vomit
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
