My brain says no but my pants say off.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
