They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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