At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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