Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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