she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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