If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
