I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
