I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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