you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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