apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
