There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
