i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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