what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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