My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
