If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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