How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
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Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
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My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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