It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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