How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm both gender and math confused
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
