We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
