They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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