in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize