piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
