I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
