The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
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Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
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You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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