He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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