if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My cat gives me a boner
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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