ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
