Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
