Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
