I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
