she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Soap is not a condiment
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Operation Purity has been aborted
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
