just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
