there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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