What a fucking waste of an outfit
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
