Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
