very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
