She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
