Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
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we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
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I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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