I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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