So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
This is the high leading the old right now
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
