I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
