I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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