Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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