I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
