i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
