You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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