I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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