Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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