I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize