we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
