I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
