Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
