tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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