My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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