please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
