remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
