Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
