you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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