I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
