we're chasing vodka with high fives
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
