if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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