i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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