Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He kissed a someone with a penis
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
