ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
