i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
