Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
