wat bout pragnant strippers??
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
