so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
dude. I can hear the air.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
