Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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