Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
