so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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